10 Commandments of Yahoo! Messenger

I love Yahoo, despite the fact I've had the same gay ID since I was 11, which probably sprung from my love of hello kitty's angelic form. I particularly love the way that you may hurl any insult at someone and they will disregard it because of one magical symbol :
Think about it, if you receive a message saying: "I h8 ur rotten guts"
you may be offended, but if you receive this message: "I h8 ur rotten guts :P"
then you will probably respond with: "LOL :P"


As beautiful as this is, there are some rules that I feel should be set in place, I went up to the mountain and God gave me these:
THE 10 COMMANDMENTS OF YAHOO! MESSENGER
Now I know that posting song lyrics emo or otherwise, should be on this list, but it's not really that annoying, plus, I like posting song lyrics.(You can relax, Cabbage)

I have found there are crimes farrrrrr worse.

• 1. Thou shalt not use an enormous string of numbers in your ID

If you lack the imagination to find an ID that isn't taken, use the least amount of numbers possible, And for God's sake don't use your date of birth.

"Hey what's your email so I can send you those kitten pictures?"

"Amy_28746453547356499346348963496394073846384654@yahoo.com"

It's just wrong.

• 2. Thou shalt not change thy ID every 4 seconds

We're all familiar with the message:next week it will be promiscuous _kitten, bugger off.

• 3. Thou shalt not use IMinviroments, ever.

You've just got your home's 300 year old laptop up and running and you can just about keep messenger open, and maybe one internet page, then some retard freezes up your internet connection, why? because they wanted to chat with a backdrop of falling leaves.
Plus they're gay.

• 4. Thou shalt not abuse the audibles

Yes, even the German ones.
We've all seen them, stop sending them.

• 5. Thou shalt not leave "cryptic" messages to thy e-boyfriend/girlfriend/cybersex partner on thy status message.

"Remember when I said that thing that one time? I lied."

• 6. Thou shalt not leave stupid status messages with the busy sign.

You know the type:

"Taking a dump."

"Gone to the cinema to watch that movie before you do."

"Asleep"

And we all know that when you say:

Not Here- Playing Polo

what you mean is:

Not Here - Playing Polo and other sh** you couldn't give a f**k about. I am leaving my messenger signed in to boast my mad skills at polo and douchebaggery.

• 7. Thou shalt not use kittens of any description as thy avatar

Just...don't.

• 8. Thou shalt not Buzz like a retard.

Just because a person does not respond to your monosyllabic greeting immediately is no reason to buzz them into next thursday.

• 9. Thou shalt not invite everybody on thy list to pointless conferences

Most of us will accept, either to make you happy, as the product of boredom, or just morbid curiosity, but when the conversation consists of a debate over the ownership of one of your girlfriends( No Lily's MY wifey!!) then it's guaranteed that you will only make your friends hate you.
and for the final epic commandment of all commandments:

10. Thou shalt not send chain messages of any description.

I cannot stress this point enough.

Should you receive this message:

HEY IT'S IVA HARDON, FROM THE DIREKTOR OF YAHOO, EVERYBODY SORRY FOR THE INTERRUPTION, BUT YAHOO IS CLOSING THE SYSTEM DOWN BECAUSE TOO MANY BOOTERS ARE TAKING UP ALL THE NAMES, WE ONLY HAVE 57 NAMES LEFT, IF U WOULD LIKE TO CLOSE YOUR ACCOUNT, DONT SEND THIS MESSAGE, IF YOU WANT TO KEEP YOUR ACCCOUNT, SEND THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE ON YOUR LIST. THIS IS NO JOKE, YOU'LL BE SORRY IF YOU DONT SEND IT. THANKS DIRECTOR OF YAHOO, TIM BUISKI, WHOEVER DOESNT SEND THIS MESSAGE YOUR ACCOUNT WILL BE DEACTIVATED AND IT WILL COST $10.00 A MONTH TO USE IT. TO SEND TO EVERYONE ONE YOUR LIST RIGHT CLICK ON YOUR GROUP THEN CLICK SEND

or this one:

THIS IS SOOOO SCARY!!! SEND THIS TO 15 PPL IN THE NEXT 143 MIN AND THEN PRESS F6 AND YOUR CRUSHES NAME WILL APPEAR IN BIG LETTERS!!! IT IS SOOOO SCARY CUZ IT WORKS...BUT IF YOU BREAK THE CHAIN...YOU WILL BE CURSED WITH RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS FOR THE NEXT 10 YEARS! SEND IT TO 15 PPL IN THE NEXT 143 MIN!

or this one:

if chintan1231in@yahoo.co.in adds you don't accept it. It's a virus. Tell everyone on ur bulletin because if somebody on ur list adds them, u get the virus too. Tell everyone on your list not to open anything from chintan. It is a hard drive killer and a very horrible virus. Pass this letter to everyone on your buddy list. Right click on the group name of your buddy list and click Send Message to All ...I received this message from a friend in 321 chat ..

or this one:

One night a guy & a girl were driving home from the movies. The boy sensed there was something wrong because of the painful silence they shared between them that night. The girl then asked the boy to pull over because she wanted to talk. She told him that her feelings had changed & that it was time to move on. A silent tear slid down his cheek as he slowly reached into his pocket & passed her a folded note. At that moment, a drunk driver was speeding down that very same street. He swerved right into the drivers seat, killing the boy. Miraculously, the girl survived. Remembering the note, she pulled it out & read it. "Without your love, I would die." FORWARD THIS IF YOU CARE ABOUT SOMEONE SO MUCH

or my personal favorite:

Hi my name is Anya, I'm polish and my kid has toe cancer, I really can't afford the surgery but Yahoo has inexplicably offered to help, for every person this message is sent to they will give me $1, even though the sending of this message will in no way help Yahoo, sweet, bizzarre people aren't they? SEND THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE ON YOU LIST OR YOU HAVE NO SOUL!!!

delete them, and virus the sender :P

I promise you, you will not lose your account or soul by not sending these things around.
In fact I have called up a shadow-beast to rip you into a thousand pieces and send them to your grandma, should you even consider it. No I am not being too harsh, you deserve it, you spamming b***ard.

Have a nice day.